My emotions are all over the place, as to be expected. My faith in my God is solid and I know he is the greatest physician, but I am TERRIFIED! Im terrified to start my journey and not know what I will be going through. Im terrified knowing what my family will have to endure. Im terrified of leaving behind my husband and kids and leaving him to move on without me to raise our children alone.
I ask myself WHY? Why me? Why now? We had to cancel our trip this summer because of my diagnosis and we most likely wont be able to celebrate our 10 year wedding anniversary in Disney world. That trip is paid for and most likely non refundable. I have 3 young kids who need their mommy. I have a husband who needs his wife, I have a sister who needs her sister. I have a mother and father who need thier daughter. Why? No breast cancer in my family and I ask how. How could I get this. Isn't breastfeeding supposed to decrease you chances of breast cancer?
I know that God has a plan and he isnt leaving me to walk through it alone. He is right here beside me holding my hand. He loves me and he wont forsake me. I seem strong on the outside but I sure feel my insides crumbling. I know I WILL WIN THIS but I am still terrified.
Oh Honey, of course you are scared. It is the unknown. You are in the fight for your life. God will give you strength when you think you have no more. God will give you comfort when you are in pain emotionally and physical pain. He can and will take away your fears. To top it off, your hormones will be all over the place. Remember veggie tales: God is bigger then the boogie man...
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