Long overdue update

First off I have been doing great and feel fabulous except for being tired.....but hey I'm a home schooler and a mom of 3 Littles ages 7 and under so what an added extra fatugue? Haha! I am currently in round 2 of my chemo. This is the weekly treatments for 12 weeks. I just completed my 9th treatment overall (including the 1st 4) and I have 7 weeks to go. I only had 1 reaction this time but that was b/c they distributed it different the 3rd week. They do a gradual increase the first 2 weeks to make sure you dint have a reaction and take your vitals as well. Well the 3rd week they staryed it full trickle and my body did t like that so.......we are now back to a gradual increase and I do fine with that. Otherwise all is going well and everyone is amazed at how well I am doing.

 I wanted to give an update on what my Oncologist said today.

She is so happy that I am doing so well (she told me I was inspiring) and that I am well over half way there (considering where I started back in July!). W/in the next few weeks they will get all my tests scheduled, the tests are all repeated scans from my first ones and are:
bone scan
ct scans
breast mri
and maybe my echo (she didnt say this one but most likely)
Then I will be scheduled to meet with my surgeon and plastic surgeon to schedule a date for surgery (this is the one that I am TERRIFIED OF) only b/c well it's a major surgery and it just scares me, but I know it is a must and good for my body to rid the cancer hopefully FOREVER!
I will also meet with a Radiation Oncologist to talk to him ( I will start radiation 6 weeks after surgery)
I still have a long ways to go but it is starting to become more and more real as I approach the major part of my fight. Prayers for peace are greatly appreciated. I have been on an emotional roller coaster for awhile now and the closer this all gets the worse it becomes.

I am NOT finished though. Because it metastasized to my bones (called secondary breast cancer) they still have to treat me for metastatic cancer. Even if the bone scan shows that the 2 spots went away they will still treat me. This will include monthly infusions, and chemo pills (one will protect and strengthen my bones around the cancer "pit holes." This will be long term perhaps for life. It really stinks but I am ok with it b/c it only prolongs my life and it is preventative.

The thing that I am most scared of in my upcoming scans is that they will find more cancer. I know these thoughts are only from the Evil one but they are very real and I know that anyone else in my shoes would feel the same. The Chemo is doing it's job and I am relying on my great physician up above for great overall healing. I am still scared and would love continued prayers. There is still so much I have to process, still that it's very overwhelming. I just want to not be going through this, but at least I know that God's love is shining through me like I never thought it could.

Struggles

You know you can always prepare yourself for something, but you are never truly prepared. You know at 31 you never think of things like this happening to you and then BAM! Im still wrapping my head around my diagnosis but I am embracing every moment. It's hard. I cried the night to God and told him I felt this was all my fault. It's my fault I am putting my family through this. It's my fault I have cancer, it's my fault I cant do some of the things I used to. I know its not my fault but that's how I feel. I've changed our lives and that's hard to not think about. I know God has a plan and my story is far from over but I know it will have a glorious unfolding!

Well I had my second treatment last week and I've done well except yesterday. I woke up not feeling well and taking my temp all day and I was battling a temp of 99.5-101. The 101 temp didnt come until hubby left for work and I called him and he turned around and came back home. I was scared b/c that is too high. I called my Dr and they called be back but by that time the Tylenol had finally kicked in. My labs came back normal with no indication of any infection so that was good to know. They weren't concerned, yet but said if it continued to spike then I'd have to go the ER. Luckily with monitoring my temp and Tylenol it was staying under control. I woke up this morning fever free and feeling great! 

Also this morning I went and had my head shaved and got my wig cut and styled. The girl that did it is so nice and sweet. Im thankful for compassionate people. It helps when you are going through a difficult time. I know I said that losing your hair is very hard to take, but as many said, it's the beauty on the inside that truly matters. Yes, I am bald now, yes I hate that, but in reality it's only a small price to pay to stay on this earth and see my children grow up. I wouldn't want it any other way. I know there are far worse things in others lives than this and at least my "disease" can be treated and cured. There are far more out there that aren't that lucky. 

I do have to say that I have struggled spending time with God. I have struggled with this for awhile but I know that this is a critical time to be doing that and I think it could be part of my story. Isn't that what we strive to do anyways? Getting closer to God even when we think we are close to him? I think I struggle to find good devotions and I never know where to start in the bible. 

So even though my struggles seem big to me, I know they aren't only small to others and God knows my struggles so they aren't big to him either. Im still staying strong and I know most of my strength is coming from the Lord and all of your prayers. I know I could get down and depressed about my current health state but that wont do me any good. I have 3 beautiful children that God has blessed me with, a wonderful husband and an awesome family. They are the reason I am still here and the reason I will beat this stupid thing called cancer!

First Treatment

I had my first chemo treatment on July 14th and it went well. We were there a long time because it took a long time for my blood work to come back (which has to be done before each treatment). I felt great most of the time. I did have a headache for 4 days but that is due to one of the drugs. After about day 5 it finally went away. I have been more tired and have napped more than I have in a long time, but I know my body needs it. They said at about day 10 is when my white blood counts will drop and I will be very tired and not feeling well, well Friday was day 10 and I felt better than ever! Last Saturday was the only day I really felt crummy through this whole journey so far. 

Tuesday is my next treatment so I am sort of anxious to see what my body will do after this round. Nathanial moved his vacation to this week since we are now unable to take our 10 year anniversary trip to Disney World. The 2 big kids are at my moms this week for vacation bible school so it's just Eli, mommy and daddy so what a nice week to get some much needed rest. 

I dont really have much to report other than that at this time. I do want to thank everyone who has helped this past week. Cleaning has been appreciated, as I can do a little but then it takes me down. I am just overwhelmed again by all the great support and fundraisers you have been putting on for me. It's a good feeling,though. 

I have also added on the right column a link to order t-shirts if you want. I can add bracelets too at some point. 

God bless you all and keep the prayers coming because I know they are working!

My Treatment Plan

I want to let you all know my treatment plan. I start Chemo Tuesday July 14th. I will have 2 cocktails of chemo for the first session. It will be every 2 weeks for 8 weeks. This is very aggressive and I will have bad days, according to my Oncologist. I get a shot the very next day to help bring my white blood cell counts back up in time for my next round. Once that is done then I will have 1 cocktail once a week for 12 weeks.

My oncologist said that about 3 weeks after I start Chemo I will start losing my hair. I found out that there is a place in town that will do free wigs, and it's right down the street from us. I went in there today and got an appointment set up for Tuesday at 10 am to pick out what I want and to get fitted for it (not sure how that will work with hair). Now I do have people who want to help but not exactly sure how. I have several sites that were created for me that are helpful.

The first one was created by my sweet cousin. This site allows people to see my needs and to volunteer as they can. Whether it be for babysitting for appointments, helping to clean, helping me when hubby is at work, driving my self or the kids someplace, or what ever they want to help with. I know my husband has been amazing and he will be doing a lot more than he is used too and I dont want him getting too overwhelmed. Here is the link https://mycancercircle.lotsahelpinghands.com/c/730682/

Another friend created a meal train for me. We have about 2 weeks worth filled up and it's set for 4 weeks. I will also have another one coming soon, but wanted to wait for this one to get finished. We are requesting freezer meals mostly but you can bring a hot meal or one for use to just stick in the oven. https://www.mealtrain.com/trains/q7410l

Another friend created a go fund me page. I understand times are hard for some right now but she created it to help with medical bills that we will have to pay. If you dont want to donate to gofundme but you want to help donate just contact me and I'd be happy to send you my address. Go fund me does take fees (seems pretty excessive) but I understand why. http://www.gofundme.com/ykgbn4

One more thing. I have signed up for the Making Strides Against Breast Cancer walk here in Lafayette in October. I'd love for your support in either donating to Breast Cancer Awareness or to walk with me. Here is my page and it has all the info. The walk is October 24th at 9 am. http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR?px=40948377&pg=personal&fr_id=70080&s_src=boundlessfundraising&s_subsrc=bfDskFbPfMsg

I will update of course probably weekly as I feel up to it on how I am doing, feeling, etc. I did get my port put in on Thursday. The spot is better but still pretty tender. I also had to have a bone biopsy done yesterday (Friday July 10) because my bone scan came back to show 2 spots (1 on spine [L5], and one on my hip). They just have to prove it isnt cancer but even if it is, it's curable. I will have to take a pill to protect my bones and usually with the chemo treatments it helps take care of it. The pill will protect my bones and prevent the cancer from spreading into other areas of my bones. I am pretty sore from that but I'll make it.

Monday we have our Chemo teaching and then Tuesday I have to have lab work done (I believe this is every time before chemo) meet with my Oncologist and then start chemo. She told me it would be 4-5 hours but when they called to schedule it she said it was only 2 hours, so I am not sure how long it will take. Either way it stinks but I know it's best and necessary to beat this evil disease! I have God on my side with 100's of supporters, I'VE GOT THIS!

My story

I have been asked numerous times about what led me to get a mammogram. So I have decided to write my story here. ***DISCLAIMER: GIVES DETAILED INFO***

It all started several months back, honestly I couldn't tell you exactly how long. I was still nursing Eli, mainly for naps and bed and the occasional snack. I favored my left side all throughout him  nursing but we nursed on both sides. I would say probably the end of March is when he stopped nursing completely on my right side. Shortly there after I  noticed a change in my breast. It wasn't a drastic change but I thought perhaps it was related to nursing and that I was drying up on that side. So we continued to nurse on the left side only. I tried the right side now and then but he wouldn't latch on and would just scream. I did notice a change in the nipple, which is why he wouldn't or couldn't latch on. I called the nurses at my Dr's office and I explained what I was experiencing and they said it was because I was drying up. I agreed and I decided to wait to see if it got better. Now I still had a thought that maybe something was wrong but really thought because I wasnt nursing on that side, that I was drying up and it just wasnt doing well because I was still nurisng on the left side. So finally we finished nursing I think in April and just waited to see if it changed. Now I did notice a skin color change but it was a little red and I thought that it was dry because it had been itchy and it was from scratching. I'd put lotion on it and it did seem to help. Finally I decided to call my OB to see if I could get in because there was no change and the itching actually spread more over the entire breast rather than just the right side.

On June 19th I finally called the Dr. back and she was out of the office but they called me on Monday and said she wanted to see me since it had not changed. I got in to see her on June 23rd and it went well. She examined me and said she wanted to do a mammogram because she thought I could have a clogged duct that would need to be drained. So I got in for a mammogram the next day June 24th at the Breast Center in Lafayette. They did a mammogram and and ultra sound. After that was done a Dr came and and said that there was a lot of calcification in my breast and they wanted to do a biopsy to find out what was going on. Ok, I didnt think it would be anything serious. They do biopsy's all the time that arent looking for that dreaded "c" word. They scheduled it for a week later, July 1st.

July 1st hubby and I go in for my biopsy, my awesome friend Rose offered to watch the kids so he could go with me. He couldnt go back obviously but it did take 2 hours for the biopsy. So I changed into a gown and they took me into a room to answer questions and fill out a few forms. I asked the nurse what they were looking for and she brought the Dr in. I asked her (she was amazing btw and was very concerned for my health) what they were looking for and she looked me straight in the eyes and said, "We are proving this is cancer." My heart sank. She said that word NO ONE wants to hear. Of course tears started and she told me there were 3 things that concerned her the most. 1. My left breast was absolutely normal, 2. there is a large palpable mass in my right breast, 3. the skin had thickened, which is a sign that cancer is spreading. She ordered skin biopsy and brought in my surgeons nurse to look at it and schedule my biopsy for the very next day. I went back for my biopsy and the Dr was great as well as the nurses. The Dr. left after that and HAND DELIVERED my tissue sample to the lab at the hospital and told them she needed the results yesterday. Talk about a lump in the throat when you hear that!

July 2nd, hubby and I head to the surgeons office at 8 am for my skin biopsy. Now at this point I dont feel confident that the results are going to be good. But after I left the surgeons office we both felt more confident that it would turn out ok. He told us how Dr's can tell you the extreme or the worst case and he didn't want to scare us and make us go crazy, I told him it was too late. He seemed confident that it was nursing related and asked me a lot of nursing related question. He said if it was benign then they wouldn't do surgery but just give me an antibiotic in case there was a deep line infection but just let it clear up. So we left the appointment a little happier and decided that we would continue on our trip to Idaho to see my sister and her family. We were scheduled to leave July 5th. So we went and did some more shopping for our trip. Well later that day I get a call from the Breast Center about my results. The Dr. who did my biopsy told me my results, and it wasnt good. She told me that the sample showed cancer cells. She said they were in my lymph nodes and in the duct (which is where it starts usually). It's a grade 3 which means that the cancer is active. It is also invasive so it's invading my breast rather than staying contained in my duct.

So, our world in a matter of hours was flipped upside down. I was in shock and didn't cry when she told me my results but I certainly cried after. She told me that my oncologist wanted to see me that day, since their office was closed Friday in observation for the 4th. So, the boys were napping and I had to find someone to watch the kids so we could go to this appointment. Luckily our sitter was coming to help get things ready for our trip and showed up just in time. I had to break the news to her but she watched the kids while we met with my Oncologist. She is amazing! Dr. Narayan was so sweet and explained everything to us in terms we can understand. She drew it out on paper for us, even. She knows I will beat this and was very sympathetic. She even asked to see pictures of my kids. She told me that I would be doing 5 months of chemotherapy and then a mastectomy after that providing all my scans looks good. I might also have to have something called antibody therapy on top of the chemo if my labs come back with something called a her2 (I don't know exactly what that is but it tells them if the antibody therapy is needed).

So in a matter of a day our world was turned upside down, but ladies (and gents) I know that I can beat this. I have such a strong faith in God and I know he is walking by my side through all of this. He has a plan and I haven't figured it out yet, but I will in time.

I will tell you this PLEASE note any changes you notice to your breasts. I saw them but thought they were due to nursing. This is real and I have NO breast cancer in my family. Also I nursed 3 babies and I still got breast cancer. I'm not trying to scare you I just want you to be aware that this can happen even to a young woman/mother like me. I want to educate you and I want you to note any changed and bring them to attention. Had I pushed the issue I'd probably already be on treatment but I did wait a bit. I still kick myself about it, but it is what it is. It's in the past and I have to move onward. The fact is, we caught it, mostly likely early, but we caught it and we are proceeding full speed ahead.

I have been told to not research this online, as I wouldn't anyways. There is a lot of misleading info out there so if you have any question please ask me. I have resources to get info and I'd be happy to get you that, I myself want some info. Inflammatory Breast Cancer is a rare aggressive cancer and we are working quick and aggressively. I am thankful for my OB/GYN for getting me a mammogram and for not just brushing it off. I am thankful for the amazing nurses and Dr's at the Breast Center for moving quick and realizing this was a serious case. I am thankful for all of the people who have done scans on me, who have scheduled my appts. or who have just called to give me info. I am thankful for my Oncologist who is moving quick and not dragging her feet. They have been so sweet and caring and I have been told my numerous nurses that my Dr is one of the best and for that I am grateful.

If you have any questions on anything please ask me. I'd be happy to share more with you or get info for you. Like I said I don't want to scare anyone but I do want to educate you and to help you be aware of any changes. It might not seem like a huge deal at the time it's definitely something to contact your Dr about. It could save you life!

Emotions

My emotions are all over the place, as to be expected. My faith in my God is solid and I know he is the greatest physician, but I am TERRIFIED! Im terrified to start my journey and not know what I will be going through. Im terrified knowing what my family will have to endure. Im terrified of leaving behind my husband and kids and leaving him to move on without me to raise our children alone.

I ask myself WHY? Why me? Why now? We had to cancel our trip this summer because of my diagnosis and we most likely wont be able to celebrate our 10 year wedding anniversary in Disney world. That trip is paid for and most likely non refundable.  I have 3 young kids who need their mommy. I have a husband who needs his wife, I have a sister who needs her sister. I have a mother and father who need thier daughter. Why? No breast cancer in my family and I ask how. How could I get this.  Isn't breastfeeding supposed to decrease you chances of breast cancer?

I know that God has a plan and he isnt leaving me to walk through it alone. He is right here beside me holding my hand. He loves me and he wont forsake me. I seem strong on the outside but I sure feel my insides crumbling. I know I WILL WIN THIS but I am still terrified.

Embracing my new normal

Welcome everyone. Thank you for stopping by to read my Journey. This blog is intended to mainly help me with my emotions and feelings throughout my journey but to also share my journey with someone. You never know how this might help someone else and this is what I want to do. I am 31 years old people, 31! I have NO breast cancer in my family and here I am battling that stupid C word no one wants to battle. I am a mother of 3 beautiful children and I have nursed all three of them. How in the world did I get Breast Cancer at 31?

I am here to express my thoughts and feeling and to share my ups and downs and my trials. I want to encourage women, young women, that this is for real. This is serious and I want to also educate you along the way as I learn more about my "new normal" and help to prevent this from happening to you.

My faith is solid and my support system knocks my socks off. I tell you ladies, I had NO idea I had SO much support and love until now. I have had so many offers to help and for meals, you name it. I will take them up on the offers because I know down the road I will need it, my husband will need it and my kids will need it.

If I sound strong and courageous, you should see my inside. I am SCARED TO DEATH. I am angry, mad, sad, you name it I am THAT. Am I mad at God? No, because I know He is the Mighty Physician and I know he has a plan for me. He is writing my story and I know I am not alone. This is going to be a LONG battle but with my God I know he will get the through to the other side.

So please stick around and follow my journey with me as I step into my "new normal" and embrace this fierce stupid disease we call cancer. Im ready to bring it and BEAT CANCERS BUTT!

Also a wonderful friend created the hashtag #heatherstrong. If you feel so inclined to use it, please do. I'd love to see the love and support to help me WIN this battle!